I’ve loved my
daughter since the first day I held her in my arms- at two days old. Even though I was scared, wondering if I’d be
a good parent, just looking in her eyes made me want to share all the love I
had with her. Four years later we
brought home our son who was 3 ½ and all I wanted to do was share my love with
this child who had a troubled start and suffered loss in his life. Two children: both my own by adoption, both
dearly loved, both so different and with different beginnings.
Boy, have I
been frustrated as a parent! Despite how
I tried to instill certain morals, values and beliefs, in the end they have
made their own decisions and some of those decisions have caused me great pain. It has been very difficult to watch them get
hurt or suffer for choices they made when I tried to advise them on better
options. It has been difficult to watch
them accept worldly standards in morality, beliefs and values. Some of their actions (given their standards)
truly bother me, and sometimes, are very hurtful towards me, but they are adults
and I cannot change them.
Both my
children have hurt me, mostly unintentionally but not always. They’ve pushed the limits I set, lied to me
even when I saw with my own eyes, and ignored me for lengths of time that I
wanted to spend with them. They’ve both
gotten in trouble and had to figure out how to fix it. In many ways as parents, we let go and hope
they come back to us in the future.
There is no manual for the kids given to us, only the assurance that God
knows what He is doing and it is best for parents and children both.
I still love them very much no matter what they say or
do. They are and will always be my
children.
Given my past
history with the Lord, I believe He loves me ever more than I love my own
children; and He is patient beyond measure.
He watched as I made bad decision after bad decision, wanting to be in
control of my own life only to muck it up.
He watched as my standards caused me to choose actions harmful to myself
or others. He watched as I got angry at
Him and ignored Him time and again.
Yet my Father still loves me very much, no matter what
I’ve said or done. I am and will always
be His child.
For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor
angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us
from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rm. 8:38,39