There it sat on the counter, the one item I want the most but must wait for as it will take a couple years to save up the money to buy it. It's not like I'll get it for my birthday or as another gift because we don't have that kind of money, but I was willing to wait- sometimes you just have to. Then my daughter's friend came over with her new Nikon Coolpix 500 and I thought, geesh, she's only 16 and she already owns the one thing I want. Thus began a bout of sulking.
Now I'm just disappointed in myself. Think about it. It's just a camera, and considering everything good in my life, it's really not that important and yet I allowed it to throw off my attitude. All I can think of at this moment is how worldly I still am. Will it ever change? Just when I think I am mostly dead to worldly desires, they 'smack me upside the head' to prove me wrong.
Earlier today I was thinking about how I sometimes feel all muddy in the arms of my Father- filthy of sin and worldliness. (Is. 64:6) Still, He holds me in His arms, and provides a way for me to be clean. That way is through Jesus Christ whose blood washed me 'whiter than snow'. (Ps. 51:7) Yet every time He puts me down again it seems I find a way to wallow in the mud of worldliness.
I hate knowing that I hurt Him this way. I hate thinking how shallow and unfaithful I can be. I hate that I have not completely died to worldly desires. But... one thing I do know is that He has never given up on me and He loves me tenderly. With that in mind I will continue to persevere until this mortal flesh is crucified with Christ on the cross. For me, there is no longer any other option.
Lord, please help me to die to all the temporal pleasures in this world leaving only the important things that will survive after my earthly journey is over.