I’ve loved my daughter since the first day I held her in my arms- at two days old. Even though I was scared, wondering if I’d be a good parent, just looking in her eyes made me want to share all the love I had with her. Four years later we brought home our son who was 3 ½ and all I wanted to do was share my love with this child who had a troubled start and suffered loss in his life. Two children: both my own by adoption, both dearly loved, both so different and with different beginnings.
Boy, have I been frustrated as a parent! Despite how I tried to instill certain morals, values and beliefs, in the end they have made their own decisions and some of those decisions have caused me great pain. It has been very difficult to watch them get hurt or suffer for choices they made when I tried to advise them on better options. It has been difficult to watch them accept worldly standards in morality, beliefs and values. Some of their actions (given their standards) truly bother me, and sometimes, are very hurtful towards me, but they are adults and I cannot change them.
Both my children have hurt me, mostly unintentionally but not always. They’ve pushed the limits I set, lied to me even when I saw with my own eyes, and ignored me for lengths of time that I wanted to spend with them. They’ve both gotten in trouble and had to figure out how to fix it. In many ways as parents, we let go and hope they come back to us in the future. There is no manual for the kids given to us, only the assurance that God knows what He is doing and it is best for parents and children both.
I still love them very much no matter what they say or do. They are and will always be my children.
Given my past history with the Lord, I believe He loves me ever more than I love my own children; and He is patient beyond measure. He watched as I made bad decision after bad decision, wanting to be in control of my own life only to muck it up. He watched as my standards caused me to choose actions harmful to myself or others. He watched as I got angry at Him and ignored Him time and again.
Yet my Father still loves me very much, no matter what I’ve said or done. I am and will always be His child.
For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rm. 8:38,39