Another abscess in a tooth, so painful, the regular meds I had left over from a root canal earlier this year, barely helped. To be honest, the words in my head were foul and pictures of knives swung in a psycho way… but they stayed only in my mind. Last night (this morning) I had 4 ½ hours of broken sleep starting at because the pain wouldn’t let me nod off. No anger with God, not even wondering why me or other such nonsense. I put on the music of Rick Goad and finally fell asleep.
In the middle of the broken up sleep, the Lord blessed me with a dream from Him- one of only four I can think of right now. Though I cannot give specifics, I can say that I was doing in the dream what I have never done in life and what I have been a little fearful of stepping out into. I was speaking to a group of Christians which would normally be intimidating for me saying things they would not like and uncertain about their reaction. In the dream I was not concerned about any of that but was boldly speaking what God wanted me to say. I woke up with the two words that most stick in my brain these days.
No more “but why me?”, “I’m not good enough”, “what if I make a mistake?”, “what will they think?”, “what if they don’t change?”, etc. All kinds of questions would come up in my mind when it just all came back to fear, uncertainty in knowing God’s voice, and not believing deep down that God wanted to use me. No more questions: just a simple “I will”. A servant does not question their master, but we like to question ours. I don’t think He minds if it is once in a while- but most of the time shows a lack of trust in His judgement.
* * * *
Yes, I will.
I’m excited by what God is doing in my life and deep in my being. In the midst of great pain, God chose to give me a gift. Now I must choose to step forward into it. Since my head is not fully functioning due to lack of sleep, this post will be without pertinent Scriptures. Instead, I will go to sleep hoping for a better day tomorrow, and more exciting times in the presence of my Savior.
Be blessed, and may God shine His face upon you!