Questions

       I spend a lot of time asking myself tough questions.  Always been that way and don’t quite know why, but I know that I’m tougher on myself than on other people.  Of course, over the years I’ve asked the most emotional, toughest questions of God.  Where are you?  Why aren’t you helping me?  Why aren’t you taking this problem away?  Why don’t you stop this trial (that is so painful and miserable)?  When will you hear me?  Where are you anyway?  Why don’t you heal my son?  Why don’t you do a miracle?  Don’t you care enough about me to fix this?  Why don’t you ever answer my prayer (the way I want)?  Why don’t you love me?

       Earlier today I heard some words that really made me think.  They went something like this, “We ask God all these questions, what if He asked us the same questions?”  So I’ve waited until now to do that.  Just above I’ve listed some of the questions that I’ve asked God in the past, so let’s see how it sounds when He asks me the same questions but reply (as honestly as possible using my own past experience) as if I wasn’t blogging.

Vicky, where are you?

     -playing computer again Lord…

Vicky, why aren’t you helping me?

     -cause this is fun and I want to relax.

       besides, what do You need my help for- I’m nobody.

Vicky, why aren’t you working on fixing this problem?

     -I’m waiting for You to miraculously fix it so I don’t have to:

       put in the effort or feel humiliated or even deal with it.

(wow, starting to feel bad here)

Vicky, where are you in this trial that is making you so miserable?

     -ignoring You again because I’m hurt and angry You’re not taking this away.

Vicky, when will you hear me again?

     -when it’s convenient and suits my purpose.

      (God I’m so sorry I’ve been like this!)

Vicky, where are you anyway?

     -doing my own thing again L

Vicky, why don’t lay hands and pray to heal your son?  My power can do it through you.

     -truth?  too chicken.  What if it doesn’t work?  What if nothing changes?

Vicky, why don’t you do something about the needs you see?

     -I’m too busy, too fearful, too broke, too unworthy, too scared of what others will think.

      besides, I’ll never do it perfect enough and that will just mess it up.

Vicky, do you care about me?

     -I guess I always thought I did, but these answers are making me wonder…

Vicky, why don’t you talk to me?

     -because: I’m stubborn and still angry, I’m busy relaxing, I have to get this done.

Vicky, why don’t you love me?

     -oh Lord…

And the Lord your God is to be loved with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. with all your mind*.  Dt. 6:5 BBE (*Mr. 12:30; Mt. 22:37)

Here’s the toughest question of all that I’m thinking right now.

     Lord, do I really love you with all of me?

Changing Internet Companies

(Sorry, no pictures today- can't figure out what's gone wrong!)

       We have been with the same internet company since we could afford to be on the internet- I’m guessing, in the late 90’s.  Back then, we couldn’t use the phone if we were online, and people couldn’t call us either.  Calling tech support meant a writing down their helpful advice followed by me hanging up and trying it out- only to find if it didn’t work I’d have to call tech support again and explain everything to a new technician L!  Bleck!  I’m glad those days are over.

       Yesterday marked the end of that particular internet company for us (hence the reason I didn’t post).  For the first time we stepped out of our comfort zone and picked a new company to go with (after much thought and references from others who have been with them for years).  It is kind of scary for me because I don’t want anything to go wrong, and I was used to what we had.  This new company will get us ‘more bang for our buck’ in the long run as our needs have changed given the current technology of wireless devices.

       The actual switch took only a few minutes of time from the new company’s perspective, but required much more time and effort for me.  I had to send out email address changes to all my contacts, and change the information in all the websites that refer to our email.  There were new emails to make and forwarding to set up.  Since the man came later than I wanted and to do the work, it wasn’t until later last night when I could do all the work I needed to do.  Hopefully no one was missed or copied the wrong address.

       It’s much the same with our Christian walk.  Though the decision we make to surrender to God and follow after Jesus usually only takes a couple minutes, the rest is all work and effort from there.  Not that we can deep down change ourselves, but there are lifestyle decisions to make, behaviours and habits to try to break, learning of a new way of living, and hardest of all- a constant surrendering to God and His will/ purpose for our lives; with, of course, my favorite- crucifying of the flesh.

Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. Rom. 6:4 

(Jesus said) …If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. Lk. 9:23 

And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. Gal. 5:24

       One of the hardest things (besides surrendering control) for me to do was consistently read and study the Word of God.  It is the Word that will help transform our lives by renewing our minds (Rom. 12:2).  More time and effort- really?!?  Yep!  The Bible is clear, if we are believers than we need to earnestly labour or “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” (2Tm. 2:15).

       One small change to our internet meant an evening of time and effort on my part- and possibly days of figuring out other things I missed and correcting them.  One big decision in 1983 has changed my life forever and put me on an amazing journey with an awesome God who continues to astound me every day with His presence, His mercy and grace, and His great love for me.

Come, join the journey with me.

Surrendering my life to Jesus (and more every day) is the best decision I’ve ever made!!!

Seeing Things

       Once a year I spend about an hour in the local dollar store, walking in the aisles and looking at everything they have in order to get ideas for making the homemade ornaments for the exchange every year.  As I look at the items, ideas start flowing: a small lock becomes a soldier head with hat, a small santa suit on a hanger makes me see elf pants hanging up, and an artist’s easel becomes an ornamental one with a Christmas scene.  This year I failed to see anything when I did my walk around so I had to resort to online ideas.

       It has always been easier for me to do things if I see them done first (a visual learner).  Reading a book, no matter how detailed, will not make sense in my head, but if I see it done and can ask pertinent questions, then all is well and I can do the job.  That’s why this year I was shocked my walk about didn’t inspire any ideas.  I wasn’t able to see anything.

       Not quite the same as right now when I can’t find my glasses and since I need them to see far away, I can’t see clearly beyond the three feet zone.  I hope I find them sometime in the next couple hours or my usual bloodhound (hubby) is going to have to look for them again- and he gets pretty tired of doing that for me.  Seeing clearly, seeing blurry- did you know there are good sides to both of those, especially in the body of Christ.

       I’m thinking that we should ‘see’ our brothers and sisters clearly with our eyes immersed in the love of Christ Jesus, and we should see their faults blurry like ‘me without glasses’*.  We tend to see the outside appearances and judge a person based on what we see and hear instead of seeing the heart of the person like God.  “For He does not see as man sees. For man looks on the outward appearance, but Jehovah looks on the heart.” (1Sm. 16:7 MKJV)  So if we are to be made into the likeness of the Lord (Rom. 8:29), we should also look on the heart.  And we should believe and hope the best of our brothers**.

…that the members should have the same care one for another…  1Cor. 12:25,26

By this we have known the love of God, because He laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.  1Jh. 3:16 MKJV

       We are all one body under Christ (Rom. 12:5) and are supposed to care for each other like we care for ourselves.  “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. As I have loved you, you should also love one another.” (Jh. 13:34 MKJV) So we should ‘see’ others in the way we would want them to see us- not for our many faults, but for the good things that exist in us; for we are all flawed and need to rely on the grace and mercy of the living God for salvation.

       For this year I pray God will help me see others ‘through His eyes’ and not my own, so I can clearly see their value to God, the body and to me, and not see clearly their offenses and flaws.  Maybe sometimes He can allow me to see when some are hurting or have a need I can help with.  Other times what I see can lead to prayer.  In all ways, I want to see the things that God wants me to see so I can do the things I ought to do- with and in love.

*Above all, continue to love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. (G266-offenses)  1Pt. 4:8 ISV

**…Believes the best in all, There is no limit to her hope…  1Cor. 13:7 ISV

Jelly belly

       Well, it’s the first day of the New Year, and we made it past two ‘end of the worlds’ during the year- that’s an achievement!  Now we have to face the resolutions we made- if we made any.  Lots of people resolve to eat better and exercise more often, so if you are one of those, consider this a friendly reminder of what may happen if you don’t keep your resolutions this year J.

       Have you ever looked down on your way into the shower and saw that roll that never goes away just riding around your belly?  I do that all the time; in fact, I like to sing the Jello song every time I see it.  “Watch it wiggle, see it jiggle.”  Often I even make it really jiggle just to get a good laugh.  Truth is I’m not overweight so most people look at me but don’t believe I have any fat on my body at all, and that’s not true.  There is jiggly, wiggly fat on two main parts of my body that just love to remind me of the thirty pounds I gained while in chemo, and the lifestyle I led beforehand.

       They say the biggest factor in gaining belly fat is caloric intake, especially- processed food, or food with high sugar and/or fat content.  Stress (which releases cortisol causing the body to release extra unneeded sugar, also makes us eat more) and lack of exercise (which lowers the body’s metabolism) are the next factors in gaining belly fat.  Oh that wretched stuff, so easy to gain, but not so easy to lose!!! L

       Well, I don’t know if I’ll ever get rid of my belly fat while in this body or not, and I guess I’m really excited to get my new body from the Lord down the road, but for now I’ll just keep doing what I can to live a better lifestyle in this present body.  Of more concern to me this year is the spiritual lifestyle I lead.  Am I eating the right diet of Word, prayer etc. or do I have more intake than I need and not enough output?  Do I consume more ‘sweet’ Word than balanced diet of truth?

For the time will come when people will not put up with healthy doctrine but with itching ears* will surround themselves with teachers who cater to their own needs. They will refuse to listen to the truth and will turn to myths.  2Tm. 4:3,4 ISV

I have hidden Your Word in my heart, so that I might not sin against You.  Ps. 119:11 MKJV

Therefore, rid yourselves of everything impure and every expression of wickedness, and with a gentle spirit welcome the word planted in you that can save your souls.  Jm. 1:21 ISV

        Am I exercising my faith with the things that I learn in the Word (and teachings) in my actions of love and service or am I sitting in a pew getting spiritually fat?  Am I stressing out or am I sincerely seeking the One from whom true peace comes?  “For it is he who is our peace...” (Eph 2:14 ISV) speaks of Christ Jesus who becomes our peace when we put our full trust in Him “Then God's peace, which goes far beyond anything we can imagine, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”  (Php. 4:7 ISV).

       As with our physical bodies, keeping jelly belly fat off is easier than getting rid of it later.  We should work on the things that will keep us spiritually fit this New Year: keeping our focus on our Lord (Heb. 12:2), keeping Him first (Mt. 6:33), reading the Word to know Him better, increase our actions with what we learn, and relying more and more every day on Him.  He is the source of life (Jh. 14:6) and we should trust Him with our life. 

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart…

Pr. 3:5

*Itching ears is a term used in the Bible to describe a person who seeks out messages that please them and fit their lifestyle, as opposed to seeking a truth that might make them uncomfortable.