Ashamed

       I've been a parent over 16 years now.  Over the years I've had countless conversations about child-rearing and many on the topic of shame.  There isn't one parent I knew who thought shame was anything a child should feel or should be made to feel, including myself.  For some reason, it seemed that shame was one of the worst things for a child.  Looking back, I think it was mostly that we didn't think shaming our children was acceptable.

 

       Being ashamed is sort of different.  It means: embarrassed or guilty because of one's actions, characteristics, or associations.  This morning I was reminded of that feeling.  See, God has blessed me in so many ways.  He's given me gifts of the Spirit, allowed me to have dreams and visions, yet this morning when He gave me a word to write out for someone, I got another look in that mirror I don't like.

 

       There was a sentence in it that was so beautiful and powerful that I just started to cry- I thought for its beauty.  Then the Lord showed a mirror on my heart and I saw the truth.  It was such an amazing thing He said to this other person, and I was jealous that He didn't say it to me.  Imagine that.  I don't remember ever feeling jealous before.  It didn't matter that it wasn't intense jealousy but that it was there at all made me ashamed.  How could I, after all God's blessings to me, be so- petty I guess might be a good word.

 

       Though I repented, I still felt ashamed that such a thing was found in my heart 30 yrs into my salvation. I try to live a godly life and typically I am very excited for others when the Lord does something special for them...  The sorrow I felt, for what was found in my heart, was still there during worship when through the words of the song, God reminded me that He is sovereign: He will bless who He blesses and not bless those He chooses not to; it has nothing to do with me.

 

The heart is deceitful (sly, insidious) above all things, and desperately wicked (sick, incurable); who can know it? Jr. 17:9
But the things which come out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile the man.  For out of the heart come evil thoughts... Mt. 15:18,19
For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) dwells no good thing... Rm. 7:18
...Yea, also the heart of the sons of men is full of evil... Ec. 9:3

 

        Knowing this, it is good that we have the mercy and grace of Almighty God who through salvation has made it possible to be forgiven and made "a new creature" (2Cr. 5:17).  Not only are we new, but His Spirit comes to live in us (2Cr. 6:16).  "And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit within you. And I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh. And I will put My Spirit within you..."

(Ez. 36:26,27)

 

       Because of this new life, God gives us strength to mortify the 'evil' deeds (and desires) of the flesh  (Rm. 8:13).  We will have to do this as long as we remain in these mortal bodies.  Our work of contending against sin in mortifying and crucifying the flesh (Gl. 5:24) will not end until we go to be with the Lord forever when sin, death and the enemy are gone.  At that time there will 'be no more' a reason to be ashamed.

 

For now, we need to remember our hearts may still have remnants of the old man pop up that need be uprooted now and then...

 

Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts,

and see if any wicked way is in me; and lead me in the way everlasting. Ps. 139:23,24

 

And when You find any wicked way in me Lord,
       please reveal it to me and rip it out at the roots...

                                                   no matter how much it hurts.