Questions

       I spend a lot of time asking myself tough questions.  Always been that way and don’t quite know why, but I know that I’m tougher on myself than on other people.  Of course, over the years I’ve asked the most emotional, toughest questions of God.  Where are you?  Why aren’t you helping me?  Why aren’t you taking this problem away?  Why don’t you stop this trial (that is so painful and miserable)?  When will you hear me?  Where are you anyway?  Why don’t you heal my son?  Why don’t you do a miracle?  Don’t you care enough about me to fix this?  Why don’t you ever answer my prayer (the way I want)?  Why don’t you love me?

       Earlier today I heard some words that really made me think.  They went something like this, “We ask God all these questions, what if He asked us the same questions?”  So I’ve waited until now to do that.  Just above I’ve listed some of the questions that I’ve asked God in the past, so let’s see how it sounds when He asks me the same questions but reply (as honestly as possible using my own past experience) as if I wasn’t blogging.

Vicky, where are you?

     -playing computer again Lord…

Vicky, why aren’t you helping me?

     -cause this is fun and I want to relax.

       besides, what do You need my help for- I’m nobody.

Vicky, why aren’t you working on fixing this problem?

     -I’m waiting for You to miraculously fix it so I don’t have to:

       put in the effort or feel humiliated or even deal with it.

(wow, starting to feel bad here)

Vicky, where are you in this trial that is making you so miserable?

     -ignoring You again because I’m hurt and angry You’re not taking this away.

Vicky, when will you hear me again?

     -when it’s convenient and suits my purpose.

      (God I’m so sorry I’ve been like this!)

Vicky, where are you anyway?

     -doing my own thing again L

Vicky, why don’t lay hands and pray to heal your son?  My power can do it through you.

     -truth?  too chicken.  What if it doesn’t work?  What if nothing changes?

Vicky, why don’t you do something about the needs you see?

     -I’m too busy, too fearful, too broke, too unworthy, too scared of what others will think.

      besides, I’ll never do it perfect enough and that will just mess it up.

Vicky, do you care about me?

     -I guess I always thought I did, but these answers are making me wonder…

Vicky, why don’t you talk to me?

     -because: I’m stubborn and still angry, I’m busy relaxing, I have to get this done.

Vicky, why don’t you love me?

     -oh Lord…

And the Lord your God is to be loved with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. with all your mind*.  Dt. 6:5 BBE (*Mr. 12:30; Mt. 22:37)

Here’s the toughest question of all that I’m thinking right now.

     Lord, do I really love you with all of me?