It was my Mom’s birthday a few years ago, and no one had thought to make a cake, so my sister and I were chosen to go to the store to pick one up. There are two things wrong with their choice; the two of us hate making decisions, and we take way too long to make the decisions we do manage to make.
My brother had come with for whatever reason, but was elsewhere in the store while my sister and I stood over the cake display quietly debating the pros and cons of the different cakes. We were still there 5 min later, then 10, then 15, and we still didn’t know what to choose, and by then were both feeling a lot of stress. It was about 20 min later my brother walked up and wanted to know what was taking so long.
I can’t really remember how we worked it out, probably my brother made the selection, but we soon left with two smaller cakes so that people would have a choice of flavours. It all worked out, but I learned that day the importance of people working within the bounds of their gifts and talents. The two of us weren’t gifted in decision making, so it caused us stress, while my other sister and brother would have had the job done in less than 5 min because they do have that gift. There are days we have to stretch ourselves beyond the bounds of our giftings, but wherever possible, we should utilize everyone’s giftings for a more harmonious (less stressful) society.
None of that is my focus today though. What I really wanted to write about is making decisions. For some of us it is harder than others, and yet, we are required to make important decisions every day. In my life, some decisions are easier to make than others: for instance, getting out of bed whether I am in pain or not is a quick ‘I have to’ and roll out of bed. Jogging in the morning also isn’t too bad to decide because (since the chemo) I’ve been trying to keep healthier and I know my life depends on it. Breakfast choices are not so easy because, quite frankly, eating doesn’t thrill me.
Most of the decisions I make daily are “have to’s” anyway, so it isn’t an actual choice. The more difficult choices for me are usually God related. How much time will I focus just on Him, will I choose my flesh over Him again because that’s easier, or will I choose to walk forward into the unknown (to me) with Him? Will I really trust Him today in all matters? That’s a biggie because at the root of it is my constant questioning of choices He has made. If that sounds arrogant, it is, though not meant to be. I am just- still- so full of fears of many kinds.
Deep in my heart, I know God knows better than me, and as I look back in my life, I see the proof of that: things I survived but thought I wouldn’t, and things I did but didn’t think I could. It’s all there to ‘see’, but still…
(Jesus said)
…If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. Lk. 9:23
If thou wilt be perfect (complete), go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor (get rid of your treasures that aren’t Me), and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me. Mt. 19:21
If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honour. Jh. 12:26
It’s the biggest and sometimes hardest decision I make every day, even every hour: to follow Him. When Jesus spoke these words it meant- to be in the same way with Him or to accompany Him as a disciple. Though I’m not ‘doing it alone’ for He accompanies me, it is a decision that must be done over and over. I wish I could do it once and it would last, but apparently my flesh cannot handle that (I say as it pulls me toward self), so I will have to daily choose to follow Jesus.
I will follow.
I will follow.
I will follow!
Oh Lord, help me please!!!