It’s been so long since I could just look out a window on a sunny day, that I forgot how beautiful I find the trees. I stood there admiring their strength and dignity even without their green leaves as clothes. Then my attention was caught by the shadows cast to the northeast. Immediately my mind pondered that at times I cast shadows on the people around me. It’s not something I intend to do, but it happens. In my imperfections I occasionally hurt or offend another person.
I’ve been hurt myself, and I know my first response is to retreat, ‘lick my wounds’ and sometimes throw myself a pity party. (I’ve never been much at confrontation…) Eventually I figured out that this reaction was not only unhealthy, but un-Biblical. According to Matt. 18:15, we should deal with any offense properly so we don’t continue to hold a grudge.*
One time I brought pies to a church dinner. They did not turn out perfectly, but I brought them anyway. The lady serving them didn’t even bother cutting them properly so the bottom crust was left in the pie plate. While some people might not have cared, for me it upset me deeply because it took great effort for me to even bring food I had cooked. (I have never been good at cooking) The lady didn’t even know she had hurt me, so I calmed myself, put on my big girl pants, and at an appropriate time went up to calmly tell her I was hurt by her actions. It was very intimidating as I was uncertain how she would respond to this information. She was remorseful and it was quickly forgiven. So, what about the shadows we cast? Should we walk our journey constantly worried we have hurt someone? That’s not what I’m thinking at all because that would be unhealthy as well, but if we know we have injured someone, we should deal with it quickly by going to them and making it right. (Matt. 5:23-25)^ Jesus said we are to love one another. (John. , 35) and not hate them in our hearts but deal with it. (Lev. )
We should never intentionally offend anyone.** (Rom. ; 1 Cor. 8:13) If you notice someone seems troubled or in a bad mood after being with you, or if you feel in the Spirit they are upset, you can go to them privately and ask if you hurt them. Either they will say yes and you can properly deal with it^, or they will say no in which case there is not much you can do. If they continue to be cold toward you, you may need to go further to clear it up. Don’t be afraid to do so, but even if you are nervous or afraid, just pray, put on your big girl/boy pants and do it anyway!
And if a person confronts you with their hurt, try to deal with it confidentially, and don’t have the attitude that what you said or did should be no big deal, because to them it was. (Pr. 16:18) Remember how you want to be treated. If love is the guiding principle then the objective is to restore the relationship. (Gal. 6:1)
Matthew Henry in his commentary stated, “If thou hast conceived a displeasure at thy brother for any injury he hath done thee, do not suffer thy resentments to ripen into a secret malice (like a wound, which is most dangerous when it bleed inwardly), but give vent to them in a mild and grave admonition…” (Matt. 18:15) In other words, don’t let wounds fester or it will cause infection and possibly death in the body. When a shadow has been cast, lets deal with it in God’s love and humility to bring restoration.
*Matt. 18:15- Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. KJV
**Matt. 18:7- but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh! KJV
^(talk it through, apologize, ask forgiveness, don’t do it again)