Coming Out the Other Side

       My heart was pounding in my chest.  The edge of cold, damp darkness crushed around me causing me to struggle to breathe.  I didn’t know how I was going to get out because it was so dark; I couldn’t see properly and was stumbling with every step I took.  I had cuts from walking into sharp rocks, and pain where bruises were going to show up.  It seemed like there was the tiniest bit of light breaking into the darkness ahead, but no matter how I tried to reach it or how far I struggled forward, it only seemed to get further away.  Hours passed.  Fear enveloped me in its grip as I realized I may never get out- out of the terrible darkness.  Perhaps I would not survive…

       The alarm rang and woke me out of that nightmare but my heart was still pounding in my ears, and my breathing was shallow and quick.  Though in my dream I had not escaped the intensity of the situation, in reality, I had, but that didn’t mean my body calmed down as quickly as I wanted it to.  It certainly was good to be out of the dream and into the truth of the light.  It made me reflect on a different dark time I had been in; a fierce trial.  It lasted six long and painful years; and crushed around me like the darkness in my dream.  As the intensity increased, my hope of reaching the other side disappeared, fear enveloped me, and I really didn’t think I would survive.

       In the middle of the trial it seemed no one heard my cries; in the darkness and isolation of being, it felt like the Lord had abandoned me, and I was suffering alone.  Reflecting back I see how my loss of trust in the Lord made the trial so much worse, and so much harder to get through to the other side, a side of victory.  This life we live can become so difficult that we can’t see the light anymore, that we loose all hope and feel so isolated/ alone.  Why do we have to go through this?  Why didn’t God hear our cries?  Why didn’t he just ‘reach down’ and get us out of it?  and finally… Why did He abandon us?

       Eventually I did realize that no matter what I felt, God had not abandoned me, but I had abandoned Him and so He could not aid me much during my struggle.  It was when I finally accepted ‘where I was’ in life, began accepting that God must actually want me to go through the struggle since He obviously hadn’t rescued me out of it, poured my heart out to Him instead of shutting Him out, and began thanking Him for just being with me, that freedom came, not into my life, but into my heart.  You see, I placed all my burdens back on Him instead of trying to carry them all on my own.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Mt. 11:28

…I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world.  Mt. 28:20

…for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. 

    Heb. 13:5

When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.   For I am the LORD thy God…  Is. 43:2,3

       Finally, I think (said with much ‘fear and trembling’) I understand.  Bad things happen in this life just because they do (Mt. 5:45).  Sometimes God rescues us out of them, but that seems kind of rare to me.  Often God allows us to go through them.  But we don’t have to go through them alone.  When we are in the midst of the darkness, fear and pain, we can reach out to Him, draw near to Him (Jm. 4:8; Heb. 10:22) and make Him the Light at the end of our tunnel.  With our hope firmly resting in Him, we can come out of the dark trials of life on the other side.

 

There is surely a future hope for you,

and your hope will not be cut off.

Pr. 23:18 NIV



Ramblings

       It’s been an early day for me, waking up before 6 am for no reason and unable to get back to sleep.  It feels like my brain is in a mussle (lol, oops, I mean muddle), my body is aching all over again and all I want to do it huddle under a warm blanket, hot cocoa in hand, and veg, as in, be like a vegetable and just lay there.  Of course, a thousand thoughts come into my head, and though most of them are unrelated, some are sensible.  Like, who cares what I feel, I’ve got to get done what I need to.  (Um, body not there yet!)  Also, I need to get this post done and I’m not so sure it will make sense when I’m finished… or if I can even finish!

       So here am I, just wishing for my body’s sake that the Lord returns for us today and I have a new body that doesn’t know pain or sickness ever again (Rev. 22:4; 1Cor. 15:50-54).  Certainly it will be nice to have the fog lifted from my brain and a memory to go with it!  Perhaps I’ll just throw myself a party today- you know, a pity party?!  Just kidding. I wouldn’t do that: there are too many people world wide worse off than me.  So, in my unclear state of mind, I’m just going to write this:

It’s a really good thing the Lord is coming back soon

(Rev. 22:12)

and better…

He’s here with me today in this state I’m in

(Is. 43:2; Heb. 13:5)

and best...

He loves me!!!

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Rom. 8:38,39

(ok, I feel better now! J )

Blueberry Picking

       Yesterday was a great day for picking one of our family’s favorite fruit- blueberries!  We arrived at the farm wondering if they would be scarce due to the dry year, or a reasonable pick.  Instead, we were greeted by bushes loaded down with berries ready for the picking and it didn’t take long for the three of us to each fill a pail.  Over a few rows were the melodic voices of a group of ‘Asian’ women.  Others were speaking about the abundant crop.

       A couple aisles down was a Dad with his two young children who were just learning how to pick, and were quite competitive about it.  They kept moving over to their great discoveries of big clusters with excited cries, and it brought back memories of our kids learning when they were young.  Although they weren’t quite so vociferous, they had their own special issues.  My daughter had a way of putting one handful in her pail, grabbing another handful to eat, and then eating half of what she had in her pail.  Needless to say, she didn’t pick very fast J and it was difficult to get her to stop eating the berries and just pick!

       The berries were so beautiful yesterday that I wished I had my camera there to take some photos.  With large, ripe clusters, we could grab handfuls at a time and we set our attention on the task while listening to the voices and sounds surrounding us.  At one point, I reached for a large cluster, placing my left hand underneath to catch what my right hand was plucking off, and I thought… One day we’ll be picking and enjoying fruit from the tree of life in the new heaven and earth, and what a glorious day that will be!

And he showed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding from the throne of God and of the Lamb. In the middle of its street, and on either side of the river, was there the tree of life, which bore twelve fruits, each tree yielding its fruit every month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.

Rev. 22:1,2

       And there will be no more curse, but we will be with our Lord, able to see His precious face, and wear His glorious name.  There we will not need light for He is our Light (Jh. 9:5), and we will be with Him and reign with Him forever and ever (Rev. 22:3-5).  There is no better place to be than with the Love of our lives.  And just think, we can pick and enjoy all the fruit we want! 

I really hope to meet each and every one of you there.