My heart was pounding in my chest. The edge of cold, damp darkness crushed around me causing me to struggle to breathe. I didn’t know how I was going to get out because it was so dark; I couldn’t see properly and was stumbling with every step I took. I had cuts from walking into sharp rocks, and pain where bruises were going to show up. It seemed like there was the tiniest bit of light breaking into the darkness ahead, but no matter how I tried to reach it or how far I struggled forward, it only seemed to get further away. Hours passed. Fear enveloped me in its grip as I realized I may never get out- out of the terrible darkness. Perhaps I would not survive…
The alarm rang and woke me out of that nightmare but my heart was still pounding in my ears, and my breathing was shallow and quick. Though in my dream I had not escaped the intensity of the situation, in reality, I had, but that didn’t mean my body calmed down as quickly as I wanted it to. It certainly was good to be out of the dream and into the truth of the light. It made me reflect on a different dark time I had been in; a fierce trial. It lasted six long and painful years; and crushed around me like the darkness in my dream. As the intensity increased, my hope of reaching the other side disappeared, fear enveloped me, and I really didn’t think I would survive.
In the middle of the trial it seemed no one heard my cries; in the darkness and isolation of being, it felt like the Lord had abandoned me, and I was suffering alone. Reflecting back I see how my loss of trust in the Lord made the trial so much worse, and so much harder to get through to the other side, a side of victory. This life we live can become so difficult that we can’t see the light anymore, that we loose all hope and feel so isolated/ alone. Why do we have to go through this? Why didn’t God hear our cries? Why didn’t he just ‘reach down’ and get us out of it? and finally… Why did He abandon us?
Eventually I did realize that no matter what I felt, God had not abandoned me, but I had abandoned Him and so He could not aid me much during my struggle. It was when I finally accepted ‘where I was’ in life, began accepting that God must actually want me to go through the struggle since He obviously hadn’t rescued me out of it, poured my heart out to Him instead of shutting Him out, and began thanking Him for just being with me, that freedom came, not into my life, but into my heart. You see, I placed all my burdens back on Him instead of trying to carry them all on my own.
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Mt. 11:28
…I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Mt. 28:20
…for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
Heb. 13:5
When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the LORD thy God… Is. 43:2,3
Finally, I think (said with much ‘fear and trembling’) I understand. Bad things happen in this life just because they do (Mt. 5:45 ). Sometimes God rescues us out of them, but that seems kind of rare to me. Often God allows us to go through them. But we don’t have to go through them alone. When we are in the midst of the darkness, fear and pain, we can reach out to Him, draw near to Him (Jm. 4:8; Heb. 10:22 ) and make Him the Light at the end of our tunnel. With our hope firmly resting in Him, we can come out of the dark trials of life on the other side.
There is surely a future hope for you,
and your hope will not be cut off.
Pr. 23:18 NIV