Although I’m okay with change, I’m also
okay without it. In my life I’ve lived
in four houses. My favorite colour has
always been blue, my favorite food lasagna, best place to live- in the country,
and sitting at home doesn’t bore me, though I can have lots of fun out with
friends. What I’ve never particularly
liked is the unknown. Unanswered whys of
the past and present, unknown whats of the future.
Why did I suffer this particular trial
and what is the Lord preparing me for, are two of my most frustrating
questions. In the past I’ve allowed
these unanswered questions to cause me to stumble on my journey. Kind of silly when I look back at it. What it really boils down to is a lack of
trusting God.
I didn’t trust that He knew best.
I didn’t trust that His plans
would be fulfilled and that they were best for me.
I didn’t trust the way He chose
to work in my life and the world.
I didn’t truly, deep down believe
He knew what He was doing.
I didn’t trust that He knew what
I needed to go through for spiritual growth.
It’s easy for some to say ‘trust the
Lord’ but saying it and doing it are two different things. Of course I said it all the time as a young
Christian, but the second there was a trial of any kind, my faith failed. Like human relations in which trust is built
over time, trust in God is built over time, usually on a foundation of trials. Through most of my trials I tried to lean on
my own understanding, but when I finally surrendered and said, ‘I don’t know
why (this is happening, You won’t fix this, You won’t do a miracle, etc)’
Trust in Jehovah with all your heart, and lean not to
your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct
your paths. Pr. 3:5,6
Blessed is the
man who trusts in Jehovah, And whose confidence is Jehovah. Jr. 17:7 YLT
modernized by me.
You will keep him
in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed
on You; because he trusts in You. Trust in Jehovah forever; for in the LORD
JEHOVAH is everlasting strength. Is. 26:3,4
When I began
to be confident that the Lord was only out for my good and the good of this
world, saying ‘I don’t know’ became more acceptable. Now the peace of the Lord resides in me when
I keep my focus and trust in Him. He is
my everlasting strength, the one who keeps me going through all the trials of
life and brings joy to my heart in the thick of it. He is the One I love, the One who loves me
and I know beyond knowing that my life is much better for everything He’s
allowed me to go through, because they brought me to this place of trust.
I don’t know
specifically what God has planned for my future. I see bits and pieces now, and a few things
are getting clearer. If He never shows
me another thing I’ll be okay because I know it’s all in His dependable,
trustworthy hands, and I’m okay with that.
Hear that Lord, I trust You now! Please
help me to increase it ‘til it’s like the trust Jesus had in You.
Jehovah is my
strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; therefore my
heart greatly rejoices; and with my song I will praise Him. Ps. 28:7