We were having a fun time together playing, and I decided to ask my precious (3yrs ish) daughter a question to test out her response. I looked into her wide, beautiful brown eyes and said, “Do you love me?” “Yes,” she said resolutely. “No, you don’t…” I replied with an exaggerated sad face. “I do too!” she says much more loudly with an annoyed look in her face. My reply: “I know you love me. Guess what? I love you too!” and I scooped her up for a big bear hug. Ah… the treasured moments with a young child!
Jesus had risen from the dead, and came back to be seen by His followers. One day He returned to meet some of the disciples at the sea of Tiberias
When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love (G25*) me more than these?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love (G5368**) you." Jesus told him, "Feed my lambs." (v.15)
Then he said to him a second time, "Simon, son of John, do you love (G25) me?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love (G5368) you." Jesus told him, "Take care of my sheep." (v.16)
He said to him a third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love (G5368) me?" Peter was deeply hurt that he had said to him a third time, "Do you love me?" So he said to him, "Lord, you know everything. You know that I love (G5368) you!" Jesus told him, "Feed my sheep. (v.17)
Jesus is asking Peter if he sees Him as worth his love, more than (either) other people or his job. Whichever way it’s being asked, Peter answers emotionally in the way his brashness has always been shown. Of course I love and cherish you!!! Yes, I’ll always have these lovey, dovey feelings for you… but will I choose to express it when confronted and in fear for my life? (Mr. 14:66-72) Maybe not!
Jesus does indeed know Peter, and He knows that Peter feels intensely about many things in life. I think in this passage, He’s wondering if Peter will willingly choose to love Him no matter what happens, or what trials and persecutions arise. Notice, Jesus didn’t say after- fine, if that’s the best you can give me- but rather, accepted where Peter was at.
We all love our children, but we certainly don’t always feel the lovey, dovey feelings associated with that love. Sometimes we are so angry with them for their actions or attitudes that we want to yell, yet even in those times, deep down, we love them. They can scream in our face “I hate you” and we can still willingly choose to love. Agapao love... an act of will.
So I question myself- will I choose to love the Lord when I’m mad He’s not doing what I want how I want (healing, answered prayer, needs met) or will I always be caught up in only loving Him when I feel intensely delighted with Him? Will I love Him because He’s fundamentally worth it, or only when I feel it? I resolve to give Him all my love, the love which I feel, and the love which I choose. Oh Lord, You can have it all!
*G25 verb agapao: to value, or esteem, because of a perceived intrinsic worth. It is a respect or honoring because of this perceived inherent worth. Activities arising from agapao are primarily acts of the will - not emotions. It is internal and controllable choice on our part because we perceive intrinsic worth in the target object.
(fyi-The noun agape refers to who God is.)
**G5368 verb phileo: to cherish. It is packed with emotion. It means to like, to be fond of, or to delight in. In some contexts it is translated, to kiss! It is the word for intense endearment. Phileo is a different form of love, being more emotional in nature.
Therefore, phileo and agapao do not compete.