So… I was sitting in yet another waiting room reading my Bible when I stumbled across a verse that smacked me hard in the heart. I had to keep reading it over and over again though it made me sad every time as I realized a big flaw in me was now exposed (ouch!) My heart is still seeking answers as I ponder these words: …and we confidently and joyfully look forward to actually becoming all that God has had in mind for us to be. Rm. 5:2 TLB
Other Bible versions translate this differently, but that doesn’t matter now because this statement, accurate or not, has now impacted my life. You see, the Lord’s been showing me for a while now what might lie ahead in my life with/ for Him, and I’ve been paying little attention to it and not facing the truth. Undeniably, I have failed to be joyful or confident in becoming all God wants me to be.
Once again, I am dealing with a fear of the unknown. Most of my life this fear has kept me from doing many things deep inside that I wanted to do personally and some of the things God wanted me to. Mixed in there was some fear of man, his response to what lies ahead for me, knowing that I will be judged for things I may say or do, or even falsely accused. But why should I be any different than my Savior who was judged for what He said and did, and He was also falsely accused- many times. Still, both fears are based in the same root problem: lack of complete trust in God.
Here I thought I’d been doing so well in the area of trusting Him when I realized I still have so much farther to go (don’t you love when that happens?) In frustration I wonder just how long it will take before I am confident in Him enough to let go of all the fear that prevents me from moving forward. Of course, though I am saddened by the thought that this flaw still remains, still I know that He will continue to work in me, and that this is just another part of the journey in becoming who He wants me to be, in His timing of course.
Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: Php. 1:6
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD… (thoughts=intentions, plans) Jer. 29:11
God knows His plans for me, and He will help me get to the levels of trust in Him that I need- He has so far anyway. And if it takes until I am eighty (like Moses) I will still get to that place of trust that He needs me to be, one step at a time. This scripture gives me hope: But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord. (2Cor. ) The Spirit of the Lord will continue to help me change…
…in that I am fully confident!