A Confession

       So… I was sitting in yet another waiting room reading my Bible when I stumbled across a verse that smacked me hard in the heart.  I had to keep reading it over and over again though it made me sad every time as I realized a big flaw in me was now exposed (ouch!)  My heart is still seeking answers as I ponder these words: …and we confidently and joyfully look forward to actually becoming all that God has had in mind for us to be. Rm. 5:2 TLB

       Other Bible versions translate this differently, but that doesn’t matter now because this statement, accurate or not, has now impacted my life.  You see, the Lord’s been showing me for a while now what might lie ahead in my life with/ for Him, and I’ve been paying little attention to it and not facing the truth.  Undeniably, I have failed to be joyful or confident in becoming all God wants me to be. 

       Once again, I am dealing with a fear of the unknown.  Most of my life this fear has kept me from doing many things deep inside that I wanted to do personally and some of the things God wanted me to.  Mixed in there was some fear of man, his response to what lies ahead for me, knowing that I will be judged for things I may say or do, or even falsely accused.  But why should I be any different than my Savior who was judged for what He said and did, and He was also falsely accused- many times.  Still, both fears are based in the same root problem: lack of complete trust in God. 

       Here I thought I’d been doing so well in the area of trusting Him when I realized I still have so much farther to go (don’t you love when that happens?)  In frustration I wonder just how long it will take before I am confident in Him enough to let go of all the fear that prevents me from moving forward.  Of course, though I am saddened by the thought that this flaw still remains, still I know that He will continue to work in me, and that this is just another part of the journey in becoming who He wants me to be, in His timing of course.

Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: Php. 1:6

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD… (thoughts=intentions, plans)  Jer. 29:11

       God knows His plans for me, and He will help me get to the levels of trust in Him that I need- He has so far anyway.  And if it takes until I am eighty (like Moses) I will still get to that place of trust that He needs me to be, one step at a time.  This scripture gives me hope: But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord. (2Cor. 3:18)  The Spirit of the Lord will continue to help me change…

…in that I am fully confident!

A Night in the E.R.

       It started with a phone call on a Sunday night, “Hi, this is Sue from the church.  Your son had a seizure like incident and we had to call the paramedics…”  A scramble to leave, a fast drive over, a quick conversation with the paramedics who found a concern with some test results, a swift ambulance ride over to the hospital, and then the waiting began.

       We waited for an available bed, we waited for a nurse, more tests were performed, and then more waiting for a doctor.  Three hours later and we had a five minute visit with the doctor who said he was calling in the pediatric doctor… and then more waiting.  More questions, more waiting, and the ped. doctor (who looked as young as Doogie Howser) arrived… to spend at least 10ish minutes asking more specific questions.  Another test was needed, more questions yet again, and what started out just before 8 pm was ending after 2 am in the morning.  Many of you have had similar experiences.

       Personally I think waiting is worse than rushing for three reasons: because you have questions that aren’t being answered, potential problems to consider and stress/ anxiety to deal with and many hours to consider them all.  Then there are some of us who have to deal with growing boys who are ‘starving’ but can’t eat in case certain tests are performed, and overall it makes hospital waiting unpleasant.

       It’s not much different with the Lord.  Most of us hate waiting: for our prayers to be answered, for our loved ones to get saved, for the Lord to open doors, for our healing, etc.  Of course these days we hate waiting for anything- at checkouts, for our spouses to get ready, in traffic, for food and on and on.  We’ve forgotten how to wait.  We want it all and we want it now, or maybe even yesterday!!!

       What we don’t usually consider is that sometimes there are logical reasons why we are required to wait.  Things may need to be in place before our prayers are answered.  Our loved ones need more ‘watering,’ ‘sunshine,’ or ‘fertilizing’ before they are ready for salvation.  Often, having to wait causes us to struggle, but struggling causes character growth (Rm. 5:3,4 ISV) so this is not a bad thing.  These experiences help us to mature and be complete in Christ (Jm. 1:2-4 ISV) if we allow them to.

       The Lord is good to those who wait for Him (Lm. 3:25,26) and we are to wait for His salvation (deliverance from whatever we need to be saved from).  He will strengthen our hearts when we wait (Ps. 27:14) and in Him we can find rest (Ps. 37:7).  We will be blessed if we wait for Him (Is. 30:18) and in His word we have hope (Ps. 130:5).  Our hope is in the Lord (Ps. 39:7) while we wait, for He is trustworthy and worthy of our trust.  That’s what it all boils down to.  Do you trust in the Lord enough to wait?

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Is. 40:31

A Prayer

Lord, come as a consuming fire.

     Burn away all our unrighteousness, all the stuff we carry around in us from the kingdom of darkness we

     walk through every day,

     ...then continue to burn bright in our lives so that others come to us for warmth, comfort and to help them

     see along the way so we can share with them Your love.

Lord, be our consuming fire, engulfing us in Your presence

          So we may know You more

                 So we may understand Your heart

                         So we may be one in You, and You in us. (Jn.17:23) 

      …serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear: For our God is a consuming fire.  (Heb. 12:28,29)