Lopsided Friendships

       While I was growing up I had several close friendships, but I always wondered if they were a little lopsided.  From my perspective I was putting in more effort towards the friendship, making extra phone calls, arranging more meet times, riding my bike to see them more often, and listening more than sharing.  By the time I was in my late teens, it was a bit irritating, and by my late twenties, I had given up on some of the relationships feeling that if they really wanted to keep them going, the other person would begin to put in more effort.

       I began to wonder if they were even true friendships when they seemed so lopsided.  (Never thought about how much they had to put up with in me- that would have balanced it out!!!)  I began to question: did they not love me enough, or care enough to be there for me when I needed to talk?  Why were their problems always more important?  Anyway, it continued to bug me right through to my thirties when I began to accept people for their differences more.

       Of course lately I’ve been convicted of how lopsided my relationship has been with the Lord.  Seriously, how many years did I cry on His shoulders, vent my feelings, and expect Him to make the effort while I ignore Him when convenient for me?  How many times did I exclude Him from my plans and my life?  How many times have I neglected to listen to Him?  Ouch!  It hurts to think about how selfish I’ve been in this relationship.

And the LORD said, Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do; Seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? For I know him…  Gen. 18:19

       Notice, the Lord wondered if He should talk to Abraham about the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, or not.  He did.  It started a conversation between the two and allowed Abraham to intercede for the potential righteous in the cities.  They listened to each other.  God does not exhibit partiality (Acts 10:34).  What He did with many of the Bible characters(ex. Moses, Elijah, Paul), He wants to do with us.

       What brought all this back to my attention was that, a couple weeks ago, the Lord told me something really difficult to hear, and my first response was, “Did You have to tell me that- I don’t want to know that.”  Immediately after I thought, “Wow, I just told Him I don’t want to hear what He wants to tell me- I don’t want to share what’s in His heart.  What kind of friend (John 15:14) am I only listening to the things I want to hear?  Obviously I’m still being selfish in this relationship!”  Asking forgiveness came easy, but reflecting on my history with friends and God was more difficult.

       Now I need to make some changes.  I’ve got to put in more effort, arrange ‘to meet more times’, and start listening more instead of always making my problems more important than what He has to say.  Do I love Him enough to do that?  It’s a good thing the Lord has been longsuffering with me (Ps. 86:15) and never acted like me by abandoning (Dt. 31:6) our friendship just because it is lopsided…  so grateful He’s not like me!

I am sorry Lord.  Please share Your life and heart with me.