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It was about 7 km. into my bike ride to church when my pedals refused to budge. I realized my bearings were shot so I locked up my bike to walk the last 3+ km. in to church. For maybe the first time in my life I didn’t throw myself a pity party or start thinking how ‘all these things’ were going wrong in my life. I simply started walking and carrying my 10+ lb. bike bag.
On the long walk I had time to contemplate why God would allow this literal journey. By the end of it I found no rhyme or reason, except I realized that before God healed my lungs I couldn’t have walked so far as fast as I did. It wasn’t until I walked in my church to the washroom that I understood: the peace of God had remained with me… and I wasn’t mad at Him for anything! My post on April 14, 2011 spoke about a woman whose peaceful demeanor I desired to have no matter the struggles of life. Yesterday, I felt that peace.
Now it came to pass on a certain day, that he (Jesus) went into a ship with his disciples: and he said unto them, Let us go over unto the other side of the lake. And they launched forth. But as they sailed he fell asleep: and there came down a storm of wind on the lake; and they were filled with water, and were in jeopardy. And they came to him, and awoke him, saying, Master, master, we perish. Then he arose, and rebuked the wind and the raging of the water: and they ceased, and there was a calm. And he said unto them, Where is your faith? Luke 8:22-25a
How much more peaceful can you be than to be sleeping in a heavily rocking boat while winds rage and others are panicking and rushing to bail out all around you? Yet there slept Jesus most peaceful in the assurance of the Father’s protection… right up until the disciples woke him up! He simply rebuked the wind and surging water, and they ceased. Where is your faith? he asks them.
How often when the storms or struggles of life come do we start rushing around trying to solve the problems on our own? How worried and panicked do we become, and how fast do we lose our peace? For me that answer would be too fast. Almost every struggle I’ve been in, I was able to trust God for a short time and then when He didn’t do what I expected in my timing, I would bail on Him or get angry at Him. My basic problem was that I lacked faith/ trust/ confidence in Him, and that He would do what His word promised:
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Rom
I hope what happened yesterday is a new trend for me; that I won’t ever go back to my old ways. It’s funny, as I was walking with neither the smallest of blame or frustration, I just knew, “Okay Lord, You’ll work this out for good somehow.” Truth is, I’m not sure how I got to this place, but I’m pretty sure it was my Lord’s doing.
Thanks Lord… please don’t stop changing me.
And thanks for putting up with me this long. I love You.