Three Hairs Left; Don’t Give Up

       It was Feb. 2007.  As I sat talking to the nurse, she suggested that I get my hair cut off, shaved actually.  The chemo would make it fall out anyway and they found most people were more upset to watch it fall out than getting it shaved.  Occasionally I had cut my long hair because I wanted to, but I wasn’t about to cut it when it wasn’t my desire.  For me, it was important to keep any hair that remained as my ‘in your face’ to cancer.

       I remember clearly the week it started coming out in brush and handfuls.  I tried not to touch it too much in hope that some would remain.  The next Sunday morning as I stood at the back of the church before service, the pastor’s wife asked about my well being and then mentioned that my long hair hadn’t started falling out yet.  I said, “Actually, it has,” and ran my hand through my hair once to show her the handful that came out.  She just gasped as I shrugged and tossed it in the garbage.

       Within a short time, the top of my head was bald, except for three stubborn hairs that remained at the bottom back of my head.  (I wish I would have got a picture of them!)  It used to be funny when we were going out and I said, “Wait.  I have to go brush my hair, all three of them!” or “Will you please braid my hairs?- I still have enough!”  Eventually I lost most of my eyebrow hair and all my lashes.  I was finally able to stop plucking my uni-brow, but of course I still had to shave my legs!  Go figure… In spite of the treatment, those three hairs stayed firm in my scalp to shout out “I will not give in to you cancer!”

       Giving up can be easier than fighting back, but with two preteens and a loving husband, it wasn’t an option even when each treatment made my body feel worse.  With the help of my family and full support of my Lord, I made it through… and my three hairs stayed on my head until the rest of my hair had grown back about an inch, and then they decided to leave me L .

       Life is never easy, at least it’s never been for me, but we can’t give in or give up- God has a purpose for us on this earth- and nobody I know wants the devil to win.  So, here are a few scriptures to remember when times are tough.  And if it helps, you can remember my three hairs still falling down my back right through the chemo.  “In Your Face cancer!”

What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? (Rom. 8:31)

The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand. (Ps. 37:23,24) 

I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness,… (2 Tim. 4:7,8) 

…for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. (Heb. 13:5)

How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee. (Ps. 139:17,18) 

Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest. (Josh. 1:9) 

Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Rom. 8:37-39)

Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved. (Ps. 55:22)

Three Bears

       For over ten days I had traveled the back country trails near the cottage hoping I’d catch a glimpse of some bears.  Yes, I was by myself because no one else in my family is crazy enough to hit the all natural (bumpy, sandy, rocky) trails for hours like I wanted to.  I’m sure I scared all the bears off because my bicycle rattles so much they probably heard me a mile away.  So my hope remained unfulfilled.

       We had tried to go to the ‘best fish and chips’ place on the Monday after we arrived only to find it is closed on Mondays.  By the time we could try again, it was nine days later!  We left earlier than I would have liked for supper, we took a wrong turn once, got to the place before the crowds that showed up on our tails, and ate our delicious meal.  I decided to drive the others around to see the area (‘cause I’d biked it so much), but first we drove to a town we hadn’t seen.

       Later on our drive, Amy insisted we travel a particular road and half way down we were looking for a place to turn around when, 30 feet in front of the car, was a bear sauntering across the road.  We stopped to watch and saw two cubs following the momma.  Tears started to fall as I realized all the individual events and timing (most I don’t have written here) that had to fall into place for me to finally see some bears.

       My God allowed me the pleasure of seeing his beautiful creatures in their own environment.  We watched as momma ate some berries growing at the side of the road, and they all scuttled off.  My heart was pounding in my chest and I had to wipe my eyes so I could see to drive.

        How do I know that my God loves me?  Because He sent His only Son to die for my sins so that I could have new life in Him.  How do I know He cares about me?  Because He meets with me whenever I want and spends time with me so I can know Him more.  How do I know I am precious to Him?  Because He continues to bless me in ways I cannot imagine just like the exact timing to allow me to see my bears.

       How awesome, loving and personal a God we have, who goes beyond all our minds can conceive to be the greatest Father we could ever have.  Lord, we love You and praise You for who You are.  Thanks for loving us so much!

Unwelcome Visitor(s)

       The itching was so intense I couldn’t stand it anymore.  In my sleep induced haze I reached down with both hands and scratched away at my feet and legs.  In the back of my mind I knew this would only make it worse but I couldn’t stand it any longer.  Of course, the relief was extremely short lived, and so I scratched again and again until I woke up enough to deal with the problem appropriately.  I used Benadryl spray on the bites and a pill to help longer term, and went to sleep on the couch where I could put my legs and feet up and outside the covers to help.  Eventually I fell asleep again.

       It wasn’t until I woke up in the morning and remembered that I’d been fine before bed that I realized the bites could only come from spiders in my bed.  That meant laundering all the bedding and cleaning up.  With no access underneath our bedframe I had to pull/ unscrew it completely to vacuum all the pieces, put it back together, clean and vacuum the other parts of the room all to protect me from more bites.  It takes a lot of effort and time to accomplish this task, and I was exhausted by the time I was done.

       My feet and legs still itch like crazy today.  When I have to put on shoes it gets so intense it’s hardly tolerable.  Right now I am close to being desperate enough to scratch again, so I’ll have to- just a minute…  …okay, it’s minimally survivable again- spray them up again and hope for some relief.  What did I do to deserve such nasty visitors in the night?  Typically it takes over a week before spider bites stop irritating me.  Maybe I did something wrong…  why didn’t God protect me or tell me it was time to pull the bed apart again to clean?

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.  (Matt. 5:44,45 KJV)

       Things just happen here on the earth, sometimes because it’s part of nature which we cannot control, sometimes because of Adam’s sin bringing death into the world (Rom. 5:12), sometimes due to the enemy of God and man (Eph. 6:12) and sometimes just because sinful men do sinful things.  If the sun shines here it shines on the ‘good’, the ‘bad’ and everyone in between.  If it rains here, it rains on the good, the ‘bad’ and the ‘tweens’.  Could God stop the sun or rain on any particular house or field?  Yep, if He wanted to for His own purpose, but generally good and bad happens to those ‘good’ and ‘bad’.  That’s life.

       So my unwelcome visitors are gone again, hopefully for a very loooooong time.  And I’m glad that if spiders will be there in heaven (I’m sure SOME people want them there) they won’t be biting me anymore.  I mean, logically if Heaven is my place of rest (Job 3:17) and spider bites keep me from rest, then I won’t get bitten there!  Makes sense to me J !